Let the blogging begin
Here I am - I've taken the first step in exploring and sharing the inner workings of who I am! So, now what, I ask myself? I can't really start at the beginning... it would take me years to do that. I guess I'll just start where I am today - a 35 year old who has been married almost 4 years, has 1 cat, has had 2 miscarriages and is starting to try to conceive yet again.
I never thought I would back here yet AGAIN! When we started trying, over a year ago now, I was planning everything around my own convenience. But now I know it just doesn't always work like that.
At first I would sort of calculate when I thought I might be ovulating (using some ridiculous on-line ovulation calculator) and then get down to business with my husband at least once during that window. I didn't even have the faintest idea that not everyone ovulates on the 14th day of their cycle, let alone the slim chance of actually fertilizing an egg, should you time it right. After a few months of blissfully, ignorantly trying in this manner - my "best friend" (we'll discuss that one another time) announced to me that she was 4 or 5 months (don't remember the exact number now) pregnant with her boyfriend's child. Apparently it was quite easy for them - she knew all about cervical mucous (WHAT??) and how to time her fertility. I was shocked, but supportive and a bit dazed as to my own lack of knowledge on this subject. I dutifully sent off a card of congratulations and then started doing research of my own.
I bought an amazing book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" - I was probably the last woman on earth trying to have a baby who had purchased it, but better late than never. After reading the entire thing in one night (or at least the parts that pertained to me) I was now armed with vast amounts of fertility knowledge (and so was my husband, whether he liked it or not). Within two days we had 2 digital thermometres, an account at FertilityFriend.com, a wad of charts next to the bed and I was probing my body for it's fertility signs. Yes, I can work fast when I need to.
To skip ahead, we got pregnant on our second cycle of charting my fertility signs! We were so happy - although I did have a nagging feeling that something wasn't right, we chalked it up to hormones. We barely had a chance to tell half my family and a couple of close friends our good news before I started bleeding and ended up in the ER having a miscarriage. I was devistated - Rick (my husband) was mostly sad for me I think. We picked up the pieces rather quickly (I'm not one to dwell for too long) and decided to get back in saddle and try again.
My doctor is fairly amazed at my fertility, because 2 months of charting later, we were pregnant again! This time I was a mess. I was sure this pregnancy was doomed and that it was just a matter of time before I would miscarry again. I waited and waited and after a few weeks started to be a bit more optimistic. When I started spotting at 12 weeks, I was still quite sure that I made it this far into the pregnancy that nothing would go wrong. Well, I won't even get into the details of this miscarriage - it was horrible and sad and painful.
It has taken me 3 months, about 16 different blood tests, a sono-hysterosalpingography test, and countless hours of inner-reflection and healing for me to be considering trying one more time. Tomorrow we find out the results of all that blood testing and make the final decision whether this cycle will mark another beginning for our quest to conceive a child.
I think will leave off here. I still have to try and figure out how to edit my profile!
I never thought I would back here yet AGAIN! When we started trying, over a year ago now, I was planning everything around my own convenience. But now I know it just doesn't always work like that.
At first I would sort of calculate when I thought I might be ovulating (using some ridiculous on-line ovulation calculator) and then get down to business with my husband at least once during that window. I didn't even have the faintest idea that not everyone ovulates on the 14th day of their cycle, let alone the slim chance of actually fertilizing an egg, should you time it right. After a few months of blissfully, ignorantly trying in this manner - my "best friend" (we'll discuss that one another time) announced to me that she was 4 or 5 months (don't remember the exact number now) pregnant with her boyfriend's child. Apparently it was quite easy for them - she knew all about cervical mucous (WHAT??) and how to time her fertility. I was shocked, but supportive and a bit dazed as to my own lack of knowledge on this subject. I dutifully sent off a card of congratulations and then started doing research of my own.
I bought an amazing book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" - I was probably the last woman on earth trying to have a baby who had purchased it, but better late than never. After reading the entire thing in one night (or at least the parts that pertained to me) I was now armed with vast amounts of fertility knowledge (and so was my husband, whether he liked it or not). Within two days we had 2 digital thermometres, an account at FertilityFriend.com, a wad of charts next to the bed and I was probing my body for it's fertility signs. Yes, I can work fast when I need to.
To skip ahead, we got pregnant on our second cycle of charting my fertility signs! We were so happy - although I did have a nagging feeling that something wasn't right, we chalked it up to hormones. We barely had a chance to tell half my family and a couple of close friends our good news before I started bleeding and ended up in the ER having a miscarriage. I was devistated - Rick (my husband) was mostly sad for me I think. We picked up the pieces rather quickly (I'm not one to dwell for too long) and decided to get back in saddle and try again.
My doctor is fairly amazed at my fertility, because 2 months of charting later, we were pregnant again! This time I was a mess. I was sure this pregnancy was doomed and that it was just a matter of time before I would miscarry again. I waited and waited and after a few weeks started to be a bit more optimistic. When I started spotting at 12 weeks, I was still quite sure that I made it this far into the pregnancy that nothing would go wrong. Well, I won't even get into the details of this miscarriage - it was horrible and sad and painful.
It has taken me 3 months, about 16 different blood tests, a sono-hysterosalpingography test, and countless hours of inner-reflection and healing for me to be considering trying one more time. Tomorrow we find out the results of all that blood testing and make the final decision whether this cycle will mark another beginning for our quest to conceive a child.
I think will leave off here. I still have to try and figure out how to edit my profile!
posted by Jackie at 10:51 AM
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