The plot thickens...
...and so does my blood apparently! We got the results of our blood testing today. Everything seems to check out normal, except for a couple of blood clotting related tests. My doctor seems to think that the results may indicate that I have something called "antiphospholipid antibody syndrome".
This is not her field of expertise (welcome to the club!) so she did not give me much indication of what to expect from it, but did say that the miscarriage/fertility specialist that we have an appointment with in August IS very well educated in this disorder. Our appointment is on August 26th. I am ovulating in about 4 or 5 days.
The quick research that I did on this syndrome (let's call it AAS for now), didn't seem too hopeful in carrying a pregnancy to term without treatment. Treatment being heparin shots and low dosage of aspirin. I am very confused as to what to do now. I am studying alternative medicine - surely there must be something else out there that I can treat this with! I hate to say it but I think that my only choice for now is to opt to ignore my impending ovulation and desire to conceive and find out a little more about this new challenge. I would rather put off trying for another few months than have the possibility of something going wrong again - I couldn't bare that.
I will talk to Rick tonight and hopefully make a decision together.
When I sat in that waiting room with all those pregnant women of all shapes and sizes and ethnicities - I realized that there was probably as good a chance of something like this happening to one of them and it just happened to be me. I am surrounded by life and yet I cannot seem to create one myself.
A girl who recently had a baby came back to class last night. I wasn't expecting her to until after the summer. I felt like jumping out the window for a brief second - then I composed myself, looked at her photo album and told her how cute the baby is. We met on the first day of our first class, over a year ago now. She has also not been married long and was starting to try and have a baby like I was. We had the exact same plan. Get pregnant, go on maternity leave, finish school and never return to our jobs. Hey - maybe we would go into business together. Then she had an early miscarriage. Then I had an early miscarriage. Then she got pregnant again right away. Then I got pregnant again right away. Then I had another miscarriage and she had a baby. I like her, but I can barely talk to her and that makes me feel like a bad person - she didn't do anything wrong at all except for have something that I want.
I know I should be happy that at least we have an answer - maybe it's not even THE answer - but it should be enough to placate me. Instead I feel like crying - I am more confused than I was before.
I keep adding nine months to different months of the year, and before you know it - I'm done school, my contract has run out and I am still not a mother.
This is not her field of expertise (welcome to the club!) so she did not give me much indication of what to expect from it, but did say that the miscarriage/fertility specialist that we have an appointment with in August IS very well educated in this disorder. Our appointment is on August 26th. I am ovulating in about 4 or 5 days.
The quick research that I did on this syndrome (let's call it AAS for now), didn't seem too hopeful in carrying a pregnancy to term without treatment. Treatment being heparin shots and low dosage of aspirin. I am very confused as to what to do now. I am studying alternative medicine - surely there must be something else out there that I can treat this with! I hate to say it but I think that my only choice for now is to opt to ignore my impending ovulation and desire to conceive and find out a little more about this new challenge. I would rather put off trying for another few months than have the possibility of something going wrong again - I couldn't bare that.
I will talk to Rick tonight and hopefully make a decision together.
When I sat in that waiting room with all those pregnant women of all shapes and sizes and ethnicities - I realized that there was probably as good a chance of something like this happening to one of them and it just happened to be me. I am surrounded by life and yet I cannot seem to create one myself.
A girl who recently had a baby came back to class last night. I wasn't expecting her to until after the summer. I felt like jumping out the window for a brief second - then I composed myself, looked at her photo album and told her how cute the baby is. We met on the first day of our first class, over a year ago now. She has also not been married long and was starting to try and have a baby like I was. We had the exact same plan. Get pregnant, go on maternity leave, finish school and never return to our jobs. Hey - maybe we would go into business together. Then she had an early miscarriage. Then I had an early miscarriage. Then she got pregnant again right away. Then I got pregnant again right away. Then I had another miscarriage and she had a baby. I like her, but I can barely talk to her and that makes me feel like a bad person - she didn't do anything wrong at all except for have something that I want.
I know I should be happy that at least we have an answer - maybe it's not even THE answer - but it should be enough to placate me. Instead I feel like crying - I am more confused than I was before.
I keep adding nine months to different months of the year, and before you know it - I'm done school, my contract has run out and I am still not a mother.
posted by Jackie at 1:41 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home