To try or not to try - the neverending question
I am actually scared to get pregnant. All these doctors and blood tests and internet articles that I've read have put the fear in me! What should be one of the most natural acts of my life has turned into a three ring circus. This weekend Rick and I were faced with a seemingly simple decision - should we take my doctor up on his offer for a progesterone precription and try to get pregnant immediately or should we wait for our follow-up appointment with our specialist.
I thought the answer was simple - we wait for the follow-up to be sure that there's nothing else to this besides low progesterone. When we finally got around to discussing the issue, while we were putting away laundry, Rick immediately said "yes, let's go for it!". That's when I realized that I didn't want a discussion - I just wanted him to agree with me. I know this is a decision that we should make together, but I got scared and told him that it's my body, not his, and it's easy for him to say we should try when he's not the one that has to endure the physical agony of miscarriage. He agreed with me and told me that we would do whatever I decide, but I realize that it wasn't really fair of me to say those things. The truth is, I'm just plain scared and the more medical documentation we have backing us up, the better I will feel (I hope!).
It just doesn't seem right though - I am so conflicted inside about what we should do. Even though I know that we're going wait, I just don't know if that is the courageous thing to do or the wimpy one.
I thought the answer was simple - we wait for the follow-up to be sure that there's nothing else to this besides low progesterone. When we finally got around to discussing the issue, while we were putting away laundry, Rick immediately said "yes, let's go for it!". That's when I realized that I didn't want a discussion - I just wanted him to agree with me. I know this is a decision that we should make together, but I got scared and told him that it's my body, not his, and it's easy for him to say we should try when he's not the one that has to endure the physical agony of miscarriage. He agreed with me and told me that we would do whatever I decide, but I realize that it wasn't really fair of me to say those things. The truth is, I'm just plain scared and the more medical documentation we have backing us up, the better I will feel (I hope!).
It just doesn't seem right though - I am so conflicted inside about what we should do. Even though I know that we're going wait, I just don't know if that is the courageous thing to do or the wimpy one.
posted by Jackie at 9:51 AM
3 Comments:
Jackie - (((HUGS))) I do not envy your position. I think me personally would wait for more info from the specialist (reassurance). But that is just me I can't tell you what to do.
Paul and I were in your position last spring. Our RE said that we could try before finding out any of our results. He was confident that it was chromosomal and random. Paul had the same reaction as your dh, BTW. I decided to wait another month. I wanted the results, but that was honestly an excuse. I think that I really needed the month to mentally prepare for TTC. I knew what kind of a rollercoaster ride that I could be in for, and I wanted to be ready.
GL on your decision, and you know that we will support you in whatever you decide.
{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
You are doing the courageous thing, not the whimpy. It is a much tougher decision to wait, make sure you feel comfortable and to get the test results back, than to just jump in. Do not doubt for a minute what you feel is right in your heart. Even though it is a decision that you and Rick need to make together, the bottom line is that it is YOUR body and you have to feel right about it. And if there are still results to get back and opinions to be heard, then there is nothing wrong with your decision. There are so many women who find out too late that something could have been done to help prevent their miscarriages. There's no guarantee that you'll find an answer in the end, but I'm sure you'll feel so much better knowing that you left no stone unturned.
Thinking about you and sending tons of hugs (((HUGS))). I admire you - you're choosing the harder way to go - don't doubt that for a minute!
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